Sry I called you an 8
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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