I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
