On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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