im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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