Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Your shirt... Was in my pants
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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