I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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