dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
