If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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