I love black thongs
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
