Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
