what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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