Screwed.edu
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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