We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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