My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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