she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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