the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
