its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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