I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
worst night to have a conscience
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
