I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
