Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
