I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
