I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
one might say we're banned from that church
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
