Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
