After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
