My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
