whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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