I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Buhtt sex?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
