3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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