We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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