Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
