I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
