Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
