Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
