she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
