Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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