but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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