glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
