he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
