Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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