I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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