We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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