somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
