he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
