You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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