I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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