Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
