I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
