In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
