Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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