My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
