Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sorry about my life...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
