3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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