Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
