I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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