i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Randomize
