just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
