I heard we made out
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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