Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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