i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
