Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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