you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
