That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
