this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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