Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I could fuck to npr.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
