It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
